I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm always down for nudity.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
