You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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