My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
