You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
