Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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