I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I need a burrito and a hug.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
