i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
