So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
These tits shall not be calmed
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
