Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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