They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
