if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
