New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize