I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
