Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
