I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
