I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
