No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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