I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
