You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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