PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
