i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
