he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
