My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
