mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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