I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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