Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
