Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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