Welp...herpes.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
