I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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