so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
