U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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