Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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