im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
