why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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