Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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