You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
