they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
