i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
