Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
