Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
