jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
