I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
