i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
