Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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