So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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