i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
