Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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