why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
