Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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