yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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