god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
