I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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