Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
