My friends, they love my intelligence
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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