YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
