woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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