rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
