Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
