He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
