Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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