cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
