Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
