trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize