Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
