Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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