just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
