My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
