shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
