Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
