we have pet lesbian snakes
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
