I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
