hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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