I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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