He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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