i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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