How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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