its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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