That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
