I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
