Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
How's work?
Spinning.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
