Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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