im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
