i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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