just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
