Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize