If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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