you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
