I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
is wine microwaveable?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
