speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
