Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
