rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
