pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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