It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
