Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
