Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
