Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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