The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
