my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
