I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
