Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
We smell like vodka and hangover
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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