He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize