So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
