Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
