I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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