Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
