we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize