Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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