My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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