I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
