I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
bring money and cleavage
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
