So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
well you can't waste a boner
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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