You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
