If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
